A Classroom Lesson in Awareness

by Vadim
Montreal, Canada

I had one teacher to study with in a course I was taking for work, and after we had gotten to know each other better, he started to make fun of me and treat me with irony and sarcasm. That particular attitude caused me to feel frustrated and I couldn’t concentrate well on the class material. I kept making mistakes, thus giving him even more food for his ironic remarks.

I attempted to be aware in class – to stay alert to what I perceived through my five senses and to my internal states – but it didn’t work well. After his classes I felt abused and angry, realizing still, that it was something within me which provoked this situation, causing it to happen over and over again.

Finally one day, I just decided prior to class that I would go there and would be aware in that class all the time, no matter what, and just let everything flow out of awareness naturally. I thought to myself, “I won’t try to be aware –I will be aware, and the reason for it is my intention to be aware.”

That day it was not easy for me to be aware continuously, however generally I did it and I was amazed at how differently my teacher treated me. I understood the lesson well and it was fun. For the very first time, I felt like going back there again!

Surprisingly, the topic of our conversation changed too; at one moment, I had asked the teacher about his reasons for going to another country and he explained them to me. I felt like I could see him as he was – see his “inner sun”, and not only the “clouds” which mostly all of us have. Then he gave me useful feedback regarding my progress and a suggestion on how I could improve further. There was respect between us, as well as understanding.

It felt like it was a lesson of life, which could help me in my future.

I think that there is no reason why I shouldn’t be aware with all the people I encounter, because trying to “wear a mask” tends to provoke the same reaction in them, and those are all lies, aren’t they, and who is a winner finally?

Because my negative internal states provoke only negativity towards me, I try to be aware with everyone. I just need to really wish for it, to make it my priority and to try hard…then it should work well!

I find that it is not easy to be aware with everyone often, in all sorts of situations, but when I achieve it, it transforms the very essence of our relationship.

Awareness makes it feel so real and become such a valuable experience.