Looking back on Anger

By Lilia
Nicosia, Cyprus

Sometimes we can misunderstand each other when negative psychological states cloud over our minds and hearts. With the help of retrospection, I found out that during these times it’s better to avoid any communication or action…or else we can regret it later…

A while ago, a friend of mine tried to do something good for me, but I didn’t want him to do anything. When I found out that he acted without telling me, I got angry and felt betrayed. While I was in that terrible negative state, I was urged to write a letter and let him know that I was angry and didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

After sending my awful letter, for some time, something inside was bothering me, telling me that I acted in a bad way. Because of my inner-conflict, I decided to retrospect the whole incident to find out what really happened.

During my practice, I realized that I was observing the event with a different perspective! It was as if I was experiencing the whole thing differently. I could see myself in anger, acting in a mechanical way, without considering the other person’s point of view and without realizing that the other person was just trying to act in a friendly way.

I was so shocked to observe my awful thoughts and my emotional reactions during that time. However, most shocking of all was my realization that I destroyed a friendship, because I allowed a negative psychological state to control my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions! As soon as I realized what I had done, I explained what happened and apologized to the person.

This incident with my friend became a lesson that enriched my self-knowledge… thanks to the practice of retrospection!